cny is nearly over..with just 2 days or so left..so fast in a way..but thn again...not like in perth we celebrate it alot or anything..but i feel its all gone so fast..just liek my 3 months holiday is nearly over..with only 2 weeks left :( big fat BOO HOO! :(
mommmy sold her lunch bar business alr....ytd was the last day...so today is like the start of a nice break! ^_^ its kinda sad..we had the shop for nearly 5 years...its a good business to own but however workin there full tiem for the past month or so...wakin up at 5am and finishin at 3pm..is realli realli tiring....till now..i couldnt slp in very late..coz im so used to wakin up ealry...but im sure that will stop sooner or later..ahaha..but anyways..in short form..cny...we had a few family dinners here and there..and as usual..got plenty of ang pau from many frens and relatives...yay! but this year my popo and gong gong went bak to KL, so cny without them is slightly more quieter than usual. ...

wei wei bday went past recentlyy, had dinner at a restaurant...evic came to pick me up..thanks so much guys!! heheh :) and when we got there..we just ate...plently of food..but it made me feel it was like a wedding..LOXO! hhehehe..but it was all good...caught up with some frens that i havent actually seen for quite a number of years...hehehe

been thinkin alot lately...sometimes i ask the question...why do ppl change?..more liek..y does HE change? im not sure is this wat ppl mean by..the beginnin of the relationship..watever you want HE will surely get it for u ...even if u wan the moon in the sky, he'll find a way to get it for u...haha..sweet har? even tho thats not technically possible..but u noe wat i mean...but as the days go on...that feelin just fades...mayb we are growin up?..i guess now since we are reachin 21..we gettin more mature or should i say..start to take each other for garantted...in the past..when he was bak in his kumpong..i would receive many many calls a day from HIM..but now...we reaching 2 years+ i get less than 2...i would be lucky to get 3 ...isnt it strange how im thinkin this?..not like i realli need him to call so often..but its the feelin of being remembered...now i feel like sometimes when i call him..he sounds all unco and uncomfortable and doesnt realli wan tok properly..and all the way thru..its just "yes yes yes" nth more ...its kinda sad...and thruoghout the day u would receive endless supply of smses...but yup..u guessed it..if i got 1 i would be lucky...prob the reason he would give to me..would be how he cant receive the sms i send...but does that give u any reason to stop sending sms too?...i can still receive international smses u know?..doesnt mean u should stop sending?..tard~ i dun care..im tryin realli hard to tell myself not to call him anymore..seriously..why should i bother and call him...and if he does pick up...he sounds all like uncomfortable coz mayb i called at the wrong time..grr..dunno..so amandaaaaaa no more callin!!!
sigh..its easier said than done la...thn later when he returns to his normal life in aust..he calls..sometimes when i think of that i feel even shittier...like...all ur frens are not ard u..so im like ur floaty..someone u decide to find after all ur frens are gone..in other words..u find me when u have no one else! u may think im oveer thinkin..but LOOK! u cant blame me for thinkin this way..i attempt to complain to u..and u just say im over thinkin..or that im too bored so im lookin for things to fight about...but im not here for a fight...thn again..when u in ur kampong land..if we do fight..u just end the call with ok and good nite..straight after i say i dunwan tok..but god! do i realli not want to tok?...i think its u that dunwan tok..why shoudl i waste my energy and cry over such a person..i have no idea..i guess frens are so very important to u...even tho u say they are not..so sad... mite be wierd how im typin out my feelings all here..but since he is in kampong land..u think he would even remember i have a blog?..nopez..will he even take time out of his precious moments he has with his frens and read my blog? no...and by the time he does read my blog, im pretty sure this blog would be at the bottom alr..so he wont even read this and he wont even realise he does that...

i feel like a huge-ass retard when i call him which means no more callin from me from now on wards!!! go ama! u mite think im childish..and sometimes i think that too..but i dunwan call and feel reatrted...im only protectin myself~
sigh...he complains and say i change...i agree ..i change..i have become more demanding than the begining..BUT..in the beginning..eveyone was shy...and now we kinda noe each other more..so we open up a little..but i guess when i complian to u..u say i demand too much or my temper is shit..or im emo...mite be all true..but i think its coz U change..thats y im forced to demand more coz u dun do the stuff you do anymore...sayin stuff and doing it...is another thing u cant do...it hurts me dramactically...its like u treat me as a 3 yr old kid..that u have to lie to ..to make her happy...it doesnt work that way...coz internally i noe u wont do it..and it just makes me cry even more..

lalla...im ok now! YAY! not gng to waste my energy and brain strength over such person..not worth it at all...i guess he will noe how i feel when he goes bak to city life with no frens and i dun call u ^_^.. but i cant do that to him..i dunno..i just feel bad...feel bad tokin and hanging up on the fone if the convo is not gng rite..i rather tok till its all realli confirmed ok..thn hang up..why cant he do that to me when he is with frens...am i that embarrassin?..maybe i am...
he sucks!

askin him to come a few days earlier..so i have more time to spend with him ..before i go to uni..but its all so hard...i dun blame him for not being able to change..coz its prob RBA fault...but i feel its all fate...its fated for this to happen...liek..its just not meant to be

sad

upset

wished for the feelin we had in the beginning...

luv mandy